Here I sit, in the grass, with my friend...

I always hate when it’s been a while since I’ve written a blog. It makes me feel like I have to summarize everything that’s happened in my life since the last blog that I wrote, which I don’t want to do. I’m usually inspired to write a blog again after a long intermission because of something new that’s currently going on in my life or some new thought that’s occurred to me and I’d rather focus on it than events of the past. There was something that inspired me to want to write a blog the other day but I never got around to doing it and now I don’t remember what it was.

Tonight I went to this lecture/documentary viewing on Meth with some of the girls in the colony that I’m visiting. I don’t think I really learned anything new but being there, hearing stories and seeing people who are in recovery really struck me. I think part of why it struck me could be because of the conversation that I had with my mom on Christmas and the reaction that I had to it. I’m still struggling with that and I’m also struggling with what I want to do with my life. Hearing some of these women (one of who kind of reminded me of my mom) talk about their struggles and how now they’re helping other women who are struggling with breaking their addictions made me think about rehabilitation. Two summers ago I had a friend who was participating in an out patient rehab and hearing her talk about it made me really think about working with addicts and consider it as a job possibility. Since I tend to change my mind about what I want to do every month or so I quickly changed my mind and haven’t thought much about it since then.

Tonight made me really consider it again. It’s something that I feel strongly about, I know how addictions affect people and those around them and it’s something that always captured my interest in class and I always paid close attention to so I even understand the biological basis of most of it. Thinking about this reminded me of the interest that I had in working at the Hill Country Youth Ranch in Kerrville. That’s a place for troubled youth to live and some of them even attend school there. “Troubled” means that they were removed from their homes because of the lives that their parents were living, not because of some disturbance that they caused themselves. When I was still an education major I took a children’s literature class and a few kids from the Hill Country Youth Ranch came and spoke to us and read some things that they’d written. That’s how I first found out about this place and became interested in it. One of the adults that came with them told us that they have a school on site and are always looking for certified teachers. Then, a few months later, when I was working at HEB some of the “foster parents” that live there came through my line buying groceries for their group of kids for the week.

So, once again, I am conflicted about what I want to do with me life. I’m now considering teaching (maybe at a preschool, a normal school, a place like the HCYR, a head start program…), being a counselor or live in “foster parent” at a place like the HCYR, or being some kind rehabilitation counselor (maybe for youth, maybe for adults). I don’t know. I really wish there were some kind of magic ball I could look into and see my future so I’d know I was making the right choice. I know that I can always change my mind later in life but I just can’t decide what to start with. I hate feeling conflicted like this. I feel like I keep saying the same thing over and over (“I just can’t make up my mind… I don’t know what I want to do”). It’s getting old.

I’m back on the road again and I’m pretty ok with it. I thought I was going to dread and be slightly miserable, but I’m not. I think I accepted that I have to get through these next 3 ½ months before I can get on with the rest of my life so I might as well try and make the best of them. I was anxious about meeting the two new LCs but that wasn’t so awful either. Nicole and I both really like one of them (Amy) and the three of us can not figure out how the other one (Laura) got hired. Not only is she horribly obnoxious and the three of us can’t stand to be in the same room as her for more than just a couple of minutes but she also seems to possess none of the necessary characteristics to be a good LC and all of the bad ones. Some of the things that came out of her mouth last week when we were all in the office lefts us speechless (“Oh, that’s hazing? My chapter does that all the time!”).

Right now I’m at Rogers State helping them plan for their Installation. I’ve never had the desire to be an event planner of any kind so I’m not really enjoying the task at hand. I am looking forward to the event itself though and the big sigh of relief I can let loose when they’re finally installed!! I’m also looking forward to some of my visits later in the semester. Not so much because of the chapters that I’m going to be visiting, but more because of the places those chapters are located (Colorado, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania…). I really need to start taking some definitely steps towards planning my future since my future starts in just a couple of months. I think I’m starting to feel the anxiety that most people feel as graduation gets closer. I was lucky to get to not feel it back then but it’s definitely catching up with me now. Sigh…

Incomplete

Here's a blog I started sometime last week and never finished. I don't want to finish it, but I wanted to post it anyway...

So, here I am back in Indy. I'm very indifferent about being back and about to hit the road again. Last semester was such a mix of emotions for me that I honestly have no expectations for this semester. I can see it easily taking a turn either way, so I'm just going to wait and see what happens and make the best of it. I think this semester will automatically be a little better because my expectations aren't so high and if it isn't great then I won't be as disappointed because I kind of half expect it already.


My Christmas break at home was nice. Things were VERY tense with Sandy and I for the first couple of weeks that I was home, but we worked it all out and ended up having a good time. It was really nice to be off the road for a while and feel a bit more in control of my life again. I lost 7 pounds to make a total of 11 since I started this job in July. That's pretty exciting for me. We'll see what happens with that the rest of the semester.


I got back to Indy yesterday. Nicole and I were actually on the same flight to Indy from Chicago, so that was fun. One of the new LCs was also on the flight with us, but she wasn't wearing letters so we didn't figure out which one she was until we were at baggage claim.

To love life and joyously live each day to it's ultimate good

I just can't make up my mind with what I want to do with my life. Newest update: Nicole and I are considering applying to be LCs again next year. That is if we don't get fired this week. 

So I believe I mentioned in a previous blog about them hiring not just one more LC for next semester but two. This had me really worried at first thinking that meant that they were going to get rid of one of us (I assumed me) but the more I think about it the more it makes sense for there to be more of us next semester. Now that I'm feeling ok with it Nicole is freaking out. It makes me feel better that she's freaking out though. I can't really explain why, it just does. 

Today we were sitting in the office today and I told her that I felt like after traveling for a year I'd probably actually start to feel confident with this job and like I could do it again (really well) for another year. She told me that she'd been thinking recently about applying to do it again for another year. So then we started talking about it together and now I think we're both considering it. Our biggest problem with the job is our constant feeling of not knowing what the hell we're doing. We really feel that we'd enjoy it all a lot more on round two. I think we're going to apply for sure and then make up out minds about whether or not we want to do it for sure later on in the semester. This would definitely give me time to figure out what I want to do with my life. 

While I think that Nicole and I would have a great time being LCs again, I would really miss my friends and family. I like the idea of living in Austin, going to St. Eds, hanging out with John and my other Austin friends (he'll be in Austin at that time) and starting my real life. So I'm not sure. Luckily, I can apply now and make up my mind later. I just found out that Amber did that. She said that she really wanted to do a third semester but she just didn't know if she had a fourth in her so then she backed out. 

I'm back in Indy now!! I'm so excited to be back for a bit! It's nice sitting around watching TV with Nicole and having someone to bitch with in the office. A couple of the AKL boys are coming over tonight to have a nice relaxing evening. I'm excited and looking forward to seeing them. Nicole and I were also talking today about how miserable we both were right before our vacations and really kind of ready to quit. Now we're both fine and could spend another couple of weeks on the road with no problem (though we are both excited for the vacation). 

To know the peace and serenity of a divine faith

I'm really tired right now so I don't know how long this blog is going to be, but I'll start it and see how far I get. 

Update on my life: I'm still in Joplin visiting my last chapter. I've had a few meetings but there's nothing too exciting going on with this chapter. They're nice girls though. I went out with them on Monday night. That was a lot of fun! I mean "a lot of fun" in relative terms though. Compared to when I usually go out with my friends, it was kind of boring. Compared to how I spend most of my days/nights lately, it was a lot of fun! I have not been doing as good at hanging out with the girls as I would have hoped, but that's not completely my fault! They're not really at the house often and when they are they're all in their own rooms or doing homework. I think we might be going out again tomorrow night, so I'm hoping that will be "a lot of fun" too! 

I'm REALLY looking forward to being back in Indy for a week! I miss Nicole! And Jeff, one of the AKL consultants is going to be there all week so I'll get to see him plenty too! Corey and Eric (the other two AKL consultants) will be there one or two days so we'll all get to go out together at least once. I'm excited to see all of them and to see all the girls from the office and to be back in the office! Aaahhhh... the office. I'm also excited to go home after that and to be in Texas for a while, but that's a given. 

I started really looking at grad schools yesterday. I still haven't decided what I really want to do. I think I might just teach. I think that might be good to start off with and then if I want to do something else I can always go back to school for it later on. So that means I need to get my teaching certificate first. I looked at programs at Schreiner, St. Edwards and Texas State. That doesn't sound like a lot, but it's kind of hard to navigate around some of their websites and find what you're looking for (esp. Texas State). I think realistically it'll be Schreiner or St. Eds, unless I find another option that I'm interested in. I also looked at school outside of Texas for the year after next for when I get my Masters in Education. When I get to that point I think I want to go to a school that has an ASA chapter. You can be active in ASA when you're in grad school. How much does that rock? And if I choose not to be active, then maybe I can serve as an advisor. That's looking too far into the future though. If I do get my teaching certificate, I don't think I want to be active in ASA again there. Too bad we don't have a chapter at St. Eds. 

I'm looking at schools in the Austin-ish area. I'm so excited about being back in Texas more permanently. I think I'd rather be in Austin than Kerrville though, but Schreiner is actually cheaper than St. Eds (I didn't think Schreiner was cheaper than anything) so that's why I'm keeping it in the mix. Plus I they have a really good education department . I really want to be in Austin!! 

Well, I had a lot more that I wanted to talk about but I'm tired and I've got to get some sleep, especially if I'm going out tomorrow night! 

To find dominant beauty in art, literature, nature and friendships

So, I got my hair cut. One of the girls I'm staying with at Zeta Alpha actually did it this afternoon after lunch. I love it!! It's so cute in person! 

So I had a good time with the last chapter that I was at but I am so glad to be gone! First off, the bed that I was sleeping in was SO uncomfortable plus the girls didn't give me a blanket until two days before I left. Not cool. The girls were all really nice but the chapter has a lot of problems so girls were constantly popping in my room to talk about things. I am really glad that I was able to be there and help these girls but it really wore me out. I do hope that I'm able to go back for another visit next semester because I feel like I'll really be able to be a lot more help once the new officers have been decided on and take over. 

Now I'm at a new chapter in Joplin, MO. This chapter is more the size that I'm used to working with (28 with total at 35). I'm staying in a house with 3 members. Or, 2 members who are about to graduate this December and one girl who already graduated. They're really nice and I'm loving sleeping in a comfortable bed. I'm going to get to help them with part of the election process and I also get to be here for their new member initiation and sisterhood sleepover. Then on Sunday (one week from today!) I go back to Indy for a week in the office and then I'm done for the semester! I'm so excited to be done for the semester and looking forward to next semester! 

So part of the reason that I haven't been writing as many blogs is because my visits are all kind of the same. I meet with all the same officers and have all the same conversations over and over. I've also been a bit of a hermit the last month. I haven't been hanging out with the girls from the chapters as much as I could be. I'm going to try and be better about that this week (and next semester). 

I talked to Nicole yesterday and she told me that they're not just hiring one new LC for next semester but probably two. This threw me for a loop at first because it made me think that maybe it was because I'm not doing a good enough job. I think it might be because we have 4 colonies that we're going to be working with next semester plus a few difficult chapters and it might just be easier on all of us and allow us to visit more of the chapters that we need to if there's 4 of us. 

So, as for ME and my life outside of this job...

I'm still trying to decide what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I change my mind just about every week. Two weeks ago I told Hannah and John that I was pretty sure that I don't want to teach. Now I may have changed my mind again. The first thing that got me thinking about teaching is driving through the countryside in Missouri. It was so pretty and it reminded me that I don't want to live in the city when I have a family. I really want to raise my kids more out in the country. This got me thinking about what kind of job I want to have when I have kids. Lately when I think about the job I want I'm thinking about what I'm going to be happy doing right now. I haven't really been thinking about what I'm going to be happy doing when I'm 40. Another thing that got me thinking about teaching again is our lovely new president-elect Barack Obama. I was reading up on all of the changes that he wants to make in regards to the education system and it got me all excited. I want to be a part of it! 

So now I'm seriously thinking about teaching again. If I was to be a Greek advisor. I don't see myself doing that forever. I think I would move on and become a professor (or a dean!). So that got me thinking about whether that's something that I really want to do or if I want to teach. Teaching would be so great because I could work with kids (which I love) and I'd have a schedule that would be conducive to having kids of my own. I could get my teaching certificate in a year and then go on to get my masters of education and then teach. And if I teach in a high needs school for the first few years then I could possibly get some of my loans paid back. That would be AMAZING! So I'm back to where I started I guess -- but still not knowing for sure what I want to do. 

I added some more photos to my facebook album if anyone you would like to see them. 

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006398&l=227f8&id=175000099