Here I sit, in the grass, with my friend...

I always hate when it’s been a while since I’ve written a blog. It makes me feel like I have to summarize everything that’s happened in my life since the last blog that I wrote, which I don’t want to do. I’m usually inspired to write a blog again after a long intermission because of something new that’s currently going on in my life or some new thought that’s occurred to me and I’d rather focus on it than events of the past. There was something that inspired me to want to write a blog the other day but I never got around to doing it and now I don’t remember what it was.

Tonight I went to this lecture/documentary viewing on Meth with some of the girls in the colony that I’m visiting. I don’t think I really learned anything new but being there, hearing stories and seeing people who are in recovery really struck me. I think part of why it struck me could be because of the conversation that I had with my mom on Christmas and the reaction that I had to it. I’m still struggling with that and I’m also struggling with what I want to do with my life. Hearing some of these women (one of who kind of reminded me of my mom) talk about their struggles and how now they’re helping other women who are struggling with breaking their addictions made me think about rehabilitation. Two summers ago I had a friend who was participating in an out patient rehab and hearing her talk about it made me really think about working with addicts and consider it as a job possibility. Since I tend to change my mind about what I want to do every month or so I quickly changed my mind and haven’t thought much about it since then.

Tonight made me really consider it again. It’s something that I feel strongly about, I know how addictions affect people and those around them and it’s something that always captured my interest in class and I always paid close attention to so I even understand the biological basis of most of it. Thinking about this reminded me of the interest that I had in working at the Hill Country Youth Ranch in Kerrville. That’s a place for troubled youth to live and some of them even attend school there. “Troubled” means that they were removed from their homes because of the lives that their parents were living, not because of some disturbance that they caused themselves. When I was still an education major I took a children’s literature class and a few kids from the Hill Country Youth Ranch came and spoke to us and read some things that they’d written. That’s how I first found out about this place and became interested in it. One of the adults that came with them told us that they have a school on site and are always looking for certified teachers. Then, a few months later, when I was working at HEB some of the “foster parents” that live there came through my line buying groceries for their group of kids for the week.

So, once again, I am conflicted about what I want to do with me life. I’m now considering teaching (maybe at a preschool, a normal school, a place like the HCYR, a head start program…), being a counselor or live in “foster parent” at a place like the HCYR, or being some kind rehabilitation counselor (maybe for youth, maybe for adults). I don’t know. I really wish there were some kind of magic ball I could look into and see my future so I’d know I was making the right choice. I know that I can always change my mind later in life but I just can’t decide what to start with. I hate feeling conflicted like this. I feel like I keep saying the same thing over and over (“I just can’t make up my mind… I don’t know what I want to do”). It’s getting old.

I’m back on the road again and I’m pretty ok with it. I thought I was going to dread and be slightly miserable, but I’m not. I think I accepted that I have to get through these next 3 ½ months before I can get on with the rest of my life so I might as well try and make the best of them. I was anxious about meeting the two new LCs but that wasn’t so awful either. Nicole and I both really like one of them (Amy) and the three of us can not figure out how the other one (Laura) got hired. Not only is she horribly obnoxious and the three of us can’t stand to be in the same room as her for more than just a couple of minutes but she also seems to possess none of the necessary characteristics to be a good LC and all of the bad ones. Some of the things that came out of her mouth last week when we were all in the office lefts us speechless (“Oh, that’s hazing? My chapter does that all the time!”).

Right now I’m at Rogers State helping them plan for their Installation. I’ve never had the desire to be an event planner of any kind so I’m not really enjoying the task at hand. I am looking forward to the event itself though and the big sigh of relief I can let loose when they’re finally installed!! I’m also looking forward to some of my visits later in the semester. Not so much because of the chapters that I’m going to be visiting, but more because of the places those chapters are located (Colorado, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania…). I really need to start taking some definitely steps towards planning my future since my future starts in just a couple of months. I think I’m starting to feel the anxiety that most people feel as graduation gets closer. I was lucky to get to not feel it back then but it’s definitely catching up with me now. Sigh…

Incomplete

Here's a blog I started sometime last week and never finished. I don't want to finish it, but I wanted to post it anyway...

So, here I am back in Indy. I'm very indifferent about being back and about to hit the road again. Last semester was such a mix of emotions for me that I honestly have no expectations for this semester. I can see it easily taking a turn either way, so I'm just going to wait and see what happens and make the best of it. I think this semester will automatically be a little better because my expectations aren't so high and if it isn't great then I won't be as disappointed because I kind of half expect it already.


My Christmas break at home was nice. Things were VERY tense with Sandy and I for the first couple of weeks that I was home, but we worked it all out and ended up having a good time. It was really nice to be off the road for a while and feel a bit more in control of my life again. I lost 7 pounds to make a total of 11 since I started this job in July. That's pretty exciting for me. We'll see what happens with that the rest of the semester.


I got back to Indy yesterday. Nicole and I were actually on the same flight to Indy from Chicago, so that was fun. One of the new LCs was also on the flight with us, but she wasn't wearing letters so we didn't figure out which one she was until we were at baggage claim.