To love life and joyously live each day to it's ultimate good

I just can't make up my mind with what I want to do with my life. Newest update: Nicole and I are considering applying to be LCs again next year. That is if we don't get fired this week. 

So I believe I mentioned in a previous blog about them hiring not just one more LC for next semester but two. This had me really worried at first thinking that meant that they were going to get rid of one of us (I assumed me) but the more I think about it the more it makes sense for there to be more of us next semester. Now that I'm feeling ok with it Nicole is freaking out. It makes me feel better that she's freaking out though. I can't really explain why, it just does. 

Today we were sitting in the office today and I told her that I felt like after traveling for a year I'd probably actually start to feel confident with this job and like I could do it again (really well) for another year. She told me that she'd been thinking recently about applying to do it again for another year. So then we started talking about it together and now I think we're both considering it. Our biggest problem with the job is our constant feeling of not knowing what the hell we're doing. We really feel that we'd enjoy it all a lot more on round two. I think we're going to apply for sure and then make up out minds about whether or not we want to do it for sure later on in the semester. This would definitely give me time to figure out what I want to do with my life. 

While I think that Nicole and I would have a great time being LCs again, I would really miss my friends and family. I like the idea of living in Austin, going to St. Eds, hanging out with John and my other Austin friends (he'll be in Austin at that time) and starting my real life. So I'm not sure. Luckily, I can apply now and make up my mind later. I just found out that Amber did that. She said that she really wanted to do a third semester but she just didn't know if she had a fourth in her so then she backed out. 

I'm back in Indy now!! I'm so excited to be back for a bit! It's nice sitting around watching TV with Nicole and having someone to bitch with in the office. A couple of the AKL boys are coming over tonight to have a nice relaxing evening. I'm excited and looking forward to seeing them. Nicole and I were also talking today about how miserable we both were right before our vacations and really kind of ready to quit. Now we're both fine and could spend another couple of weeks on the road with no problem (though we are both excited for the vacation). 

To know the peace and serenity of a divine faith

I'm really tired right now so I don't know how long this blog is going to be, but I'll start it and see how far I get. 

Update on my life: I'm still in Joplin visiting my last chapter. I've had a few meetings but there's nothing too exciting going on with this chapter. They're nice girls though. I went out with them on Monday night. That was a lot of fun! I mean "a lot of fun" in relative terms though. Compared to when I usually go out with my friends, it was kind of boring. Compared to how I spend most of my days/nights lately, it was a lot of fun! I have not been doing as good at hanging out with the girls as I would have hoped, but that's not completely my fault! They're not really at the house often and when they are they're all in their own rooms or doing homework. I think we might be going out again tomorrow night, so I'm hoping that will be "a lot of fun" too! 

I'm REALLY looking forward to being back in Indy for a week! I miss Nicole! And Jeff, one of the AKL consultants is going to be there all week so I'll get to see him plenty too! Corey and Eric (the other two AKL consultants) will be there one or two days so we'll all get to go out together at least once. I'm excited to see all of them and to see all the girls from the office and to be back in the office! Aaahhhh... the office. I'm also excited to go home after that and to be in Texas for a while, but that's a given. 

I started really looking at grad schools yesterday. I still haven't decided what I really want to do. I think I might just teach. I think that might be good to start off with and then if I want to do something else I can always go back to school for it later on. So that means I need to get my teaching certificate first. I looked at programs at Schreiner, St. Edwards and Texas State. That doesn't sound like a lot, but it's kind of hard to navigate around some of their websites and find what you're looking for (esp. Texas State). I think realistically it'll be Schreiner or St. Eds, unless I find another option that I'm interested in. I also looked at school outside of Texas for the year after next for when I get my Masters in Education. When I get to that point I think I want to go to a school that has an ASA chapter. You can be active in ASA when you're in grad school. How much does that rock? And if I choose not to be active, then maybe I can serve as an advisor. That's looking too far into the future though. If I do get my teaching certificate, I don't think I want to be active in ASA again there. Too bad we don't have a chapter at St. Eds. 

I'm looking at schools in the Austin-ish area. I'm so excited about being back in Texas more permanently. I think I'd rather be in Austin than Kerrville though, but Schreiner is actually cheaper than St. Eds (I didn't think Schreiner was cheaper than anything) so that's why I'm keeping it in the mix. Plus I they have a really good education department . I really want to be in Austin!! 

Well, I had a lot more that I wanted to talk about but I'm tired and I've got to get some sleep, especially if I'm going out tomorrow night! 

To find dominant beauty in art, literature, nature and friendships

So, I got my hair cut. One of the girls I'm staying with at Zeta Alpha actually did it this afternoon after lunch. I love it!! It's so cute in person! 

So I had a good time with the last chapter that I was at but I am so glad to be gone! First off, the bed that I was sleeping in was SO uncomfortable plus the girls didn't give me a blanket until two days before I left. Not cool. The girls were all really nice but the chapter has a lot of problems so girls were constantly popping in my room to talk about things. I am really glad that I was able to be there and help these girls but it really wore me out. I do hope that I'm able to go back for another visit next semester because I feel like I'll really be able to be a lot more help once the new officers have been decided on and take over. 

Now I'm at a new chapter in Joplin, MO. This chapter is more the size that I'm used to working with (28 with total at 35). I'm staying in a house with 3 members. Or, 2 members who are about to graduate this December and one girl who already graduated. They're really nice and I'm loving sleeping in a comfortable bed. I'm going to get to help them with part of the election process and I also get to be here for their new member initiation and sisterhood sleepover. Then on Sunday (one week from today!) I go back to Indy for a week in the office and then I'm done for the semester! I'm so excited to be done for the semester and looking forward to next semester! 

So part of the reason that I haven't been writing as many blogs is because my visits are all kind of the same. I meet with all the same officers and have all the same conversations over and over. I've also been a bit of a hermit the last month. I haven't been hanging out with the girls from the chapters as much as I could be. I'm going to try and be better about that this week (and next semester). 

I talked to Nicole yesterday and she told me that they're not just hiring one new LC for next semester but probably two. This threw me for a loop at first because it made me think that maybe it was because I'm not doing a good enough job. I think it might be because we have 4 colonies that we're going to be working with next semester plus a few difficult chapters and it might just be easier on all of us and allow us to visit more of the chapters that we need to if there's 4 of us. 

So, as for ME and my life outside of this job...

I'm still trying to decide what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I change my mind just about every week. Two weeks ago I told Hannah and John that I was pretty sure that I don't want to teach. Now I may have changed my mind again. The first thing that got me thinking about teaching is driving through the countryside in Missouri. It was so pretty and it reminded me that I don't want to live in the city when I have a family. I really want to raise my kids more out in the country. This got me thinking about what kind of job I want to have when I have kids. Lately when I think about the job I want I'm thinking about what I'm going to be happy doing right now. I haven't really been thinking about what I'm going to be happy doing when I'm 40. Another thing that got me thinking about teaching again is our lovely new president-elect Barack Obama. I was reading up on all of the changes that he wants to make in regards to the education system and it got me all excited. I want to be a part of it! 

So now I'm seriously thinking about teaching again. If I was to be a Greek advisor. I don't see myself doing that forever. I think I would move on and become a professor (or a dean!). So that got me thinking about whether that's something that I really want to do or if I want to teach. Teaching would be so great because I could work with kids (which I love) and I'd have a schedule that would be conducive to having kids of my own. I could get my teaching certificate in a year and then go on to get my masters of education and then teach. And if I teach in a high needs school for the first few years then I could possibly get some of my loans paid back. That would be AMAZING! So I'm back to where I started I guess -- but still not knowing for sure what I want to do. 

I added some more photos to my facebook album if anyone you would like to see them. 

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006398&l=227f8&id=175000099 

To fill my days with satisfying activity

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30194251&l=69e63&id=175000099 

This is the link to see the pictures that I've taken recently. I am going to take pictures of the house I'm at now later this week and put them up. 

So I just now realized that I only wrote three blogs the whole month of October. Wow. Sorry about that. I just wasn't really in the mood to share things with people. I'll try and be better about that this month. 

The last time I wrote I was a Beta Gamma on Tahlequah, OK. I had a lot of fun on my visit there! Those girls were so nice! They also stocked my room with snacks so if they forgot to feed me it was no big deal because I had cereal, salads, tuna, nutrigrain bars, etc. I didn't get to go to the wedding while I was there (they forgot about me). I was kind of bummed about that but I did enjoy just sitting around and doing nothing all day, so it wasn't so bad. I also went out one night with some of the girls on the exec board. I had a blast with them!! Those are seriously the sweetest girls I've ever met (as well as the prettiest). The chapter had a halloween date party with one of the fraternities where everyone dressed like a famous couple and we all carved pumpkins. People were randomly assigned dates, which I thought was neat. My date and I went as a devil and an angel. Our pumpkin was totally lame though. Neither of us are creative so we just carved our letters into it. Beta Gamma was also the best chapter I've been to in terms of officers doing their stuff and having good ideas. They some issues with attendance and respect though. 

The chapter that I was at this past week (Alpha Beta in Kirksville, MO) is the biggest chapter that I've been to so far (119 girls). They were not the nicest (but not mean) and they definitely didn't take the best care of me but they were the funniest girls!! I laughed so hard when I was with them. Their campus was really pretty. It looked like a typical college campus that you'd see on TV. I liked it a lot. I did not like that the girls forgot about me for dinner one night. I decided to go to the dining hall and buy dinner for myself (somehow I ended up not having anyone's phone number in the chapter) but the dining hall was closed. Then I had the bright idea to order myself a pizza and have it delivered to the dorm that I was staying it. That was a mistake too. It took and hour and a half and several phone calls before my pizza was finally delivered (cold). Too bad I paid for it with my debit card over the phone the FIRST time I called them. Then the girls didn't contact me until 12:30 the next day to let me know that we were leaving town at 1:00. Ugh. But, like I said, they were really funny so I still had a good time. 

Now I'm at Beta Sigma in Springfield, MO. This chapter is big too (like 100 girls) but total on their campus is 125 and every other sorority is at like 185 (I realize this only makes sense for girls in a sorority). Their house is HUGE! It looks like a hotel when you walk in. There are 50 or so girls living in and they have 2 cooks. I'm going to take pictures but I also want to describe it for you. There's the basement, which is carpeted and painted and has a laundry room, a common room with leather couches and a big screen tv and then their chapter room where they have meetings. Then there's the first floor where the back entrance is. This has the kitchen and dining room area. Then there's the lobby where the front door is (looks like a hotel lobby). Then there's the 2nd and 3rd floors where bedrooms are. There are 5 levels total which of course means that they have an elevator (I take the stairs though!). The 2nd and 3rd floors each have huge bathrooms as well as common areas with couches. It's so amazing. And the cooks serve meals at 11:30 and 5:00 everyday so I'm guaranteed to get at least two meals a day. I still haven't quite figured out breakfast... Today I had a granola bar I found in my bag but I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. Gum? 

That's all for now. I'll write another blog soon about ME and how I am and such. I will say that I'm tired of this job. I really hope that I come back rejuvenated after the holidays and have enthusiasm for it again. I still like it and I enjoy my meetings with most of the girls, but I'm just tired of it. I'm ready to be doing something that feels more real. I think part of it may be because elections are coming up within the sorority so the officers that I'm meeting with now don't really care about what I have to say because they're about to give up their positions so I don't feel like I'm really making any difference. Like I said, hopefully things will be better in the spring. 

Save me from the nothing I've become

Overall, I’m doing much better than I was a couple of weeks ago. I think the last time I wrote a blog (other than the one I just posted about my vacation) was right before Krystal met me in Arkansas. We had an ok weekend together. It wasn’t quite the exciting, fun weekend I was anticipating because she and I were both dealing with a lot of stuff and kind of shut ourselves off from each other, but we still had fun. After that we drove back to Louisiana for me to visit her chapter. It was awful. The visit with her chapter wasn’t really what was bad, though there was a pumpkin pass that was rather emotional; it was more me that was awful. I’m not normally a depressed person but I had been for a little while (hence the not so stellar weekend in Arkansas) and being there was just making it worse for me. I felt like I was completely worthless. It’s been quite a while since I was that depressed (over a year) and it was really difficult for me to deal with, especially since I didn’t have anyone around that I could talk to. The only friend I had was Krystal and, like I said, she had a lot of her own stuff that she was dealing with so I just felt very alone. I ended up just breaking down on their couch one morning. It was awful. I didn’t want any of them to see me like that but I didn’t really have anywhere to go hide. Whitney did do a really good job of trying to make sure I had fun while I was there we had some good talks sharing a room together. The last day of my visit was also fun (after my breakdown was over) and I was able to get my mind off of things for a while. Krystal and I went to the zoo with a few of the other chapter sisters, then to dinner, a movie and a gay bar. While that night still didn’t end quite the way it was planned, it ended rather interestingly!

 My vacation was really good and just what I needed. It felt so good to be surrounded by people that care about me. Getting to see my friends was so great. So many people seemed genuinely excited to seem me; it was kind of overwhelming, but in a very good way! And it was so good to see my nephews! That may have been my favorite part. Jake is starting to talk and Ryan just smiles all the time. I love those boys so much. It was nice getting to hang out with Mike and Sandy too. While conversations with them were sometimes very stressful, it was still nice getting to spend time with them. I’d really missed them, especially Uncle Mike since we don’t really talk that often.

 My first visit back from my vacation was to Rogers State, the colony that I’m working with at the moment. They are really sweet girls but stress me out a little because I just don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing with them. Amber assumes that because I was part of a colony that I remember how it’s all supposed to work, and that’s just not true. Plus one of their girls is in jail at the moment and none of the girls in the colony know and are all worried because they can’t get a hold of her. That was hard for me knowing about it and not being able to answer their questions.

 I’m also a little sad at the moment. Not sad like I was two weeks ago, thank goodness, but just a little sad. Amber is visiting my two favorite chapters this week (Psi Psi and Beta Theta) and I’m feeling a bit insecure about it at the moment. Amber had a visit scheduled for Psi Psi from the beginning so I know she’s not going because I’m doing a bad job with them, but I still kind of feel that way. And I’m worried that they’re all going to like her better than me. And I know she’s going to Beta Theta to assess the situation and try and see where we need to go from here with them, but I still feel like she’s going to get to these chapters and see what I’ve done with them and think it’s nothing. I called Christy just to chat about how I was feeling and she was like “Well, it’s not like we’re going to fire you. Amber is going to come back with some good advice for you to be able to use and more forward with”. Oh, I wasn’t thinking that you were going to fire me or that I was doing a bad job, but now I am. Sigh.

 So I’m feeling a little insecure about my job at the moment. Sometimes I think that I’m doing a really good job and then other days I think I have no idea what I’m doing and am convinced that I’m doing a terrible job. Today is one of those days that I’m sure I’m an awful LC. There are some things that I just don’t know and I feel like I should. And I don’t know how to deal with discipline issues very well. I’m good with chapter operations and recruitment, not discipline and respect issues.

 Even though I have no idea what I’m doing, I’m really excited about the chapter that I’m visiting at the moment. I was a little unsure at first though. The girls came and picked me up in the tiniest car that you can imagine. It’s a Scion and it’s like the size of a mini cooper. There was barely enough room for me and my stuff. The girls that picked me up were really sweet though. We stopped and took pictures of some lamas and of this random totem pole that we saw on our drive back. We also went out to dinner at a specialty pizza place which is pretty much my favorite kind of restaurant. I didn’t really like the pizza we got (it was like chicken casserole on top of pizza crust and I don’t really like chicken on my pizza) but the appetizer was this spinach, mozzarella and artichoke heart wrap. TO DIE FOR!!! While at dinner I found out that the chapter has had to deal with some pretty rough stuff so far this semester. They had to terminate a girl who was doing drugs and providing drugs to another girl in the chapter. The girl she was providing drugs to is no longer at school because she tried to commit suicide a few times. The chapter girls used to have to have girls volunteer to sleep with her to make sure that she didn’t do anything to hurt herself. They also had a new member who got raped shortly after recruitment. For them is just seems to be one thing right after another.

 The girls are all really sweet though. I don’t think any of them is bigger than a size 6 which makes me feel a little insecure but they’re all a lot of fun and I think I’m going to like staying here. For my living arrangements, I’m staying in a dorm room. A few of their dorms are set up so it’s all Greeks living in them. In our building, it’s Sigma Sigma Sigma on the first floor, Delta Zeta on the second floor and Alpha Sigma Alpha on the third floor. You have to have a key to get into the floor you live on and the halls are all painted cute. They have a lounge that’s adorable and a little library too. It’s fantastic and I wish that Schreiner had had something like this for us! Maybe one day, since they won’t let us have houses, they’ll let us have dorms. Like Trull could be the sorority dorm. ASA on one side and DPhiE on the other… I don’t know how many upper classmen would want to live there though if they could live in the apartments.

 On Saturday I am going to a wedding with the girls. An Alpha Sig (I’m not sure if she’s still active in the chapter or if she’s an alum) is getting married and said that I am more than welcome to come to the wedding too. I love weddings! Then on Monday they’re having a date party with one of the fraternities (Lambda Chi Alpha). It’s a costume party and they’re all getting randomly paired with a guy as their date and they’re arranging it so I get paired with a date too. How freaking awesome is that!?! I’m so excited. The girls in this chapter are all super gorgeous and super sweet though so hopefully I don’t feel inadequate… I need to work on my self-esteem a bit. In a little while we’re having a movie night in the chapter room. We’re watching Don’t Mess with the Zohan. I really wanted to see that so I’m excited about that as well. So basically I’m feeling inadequate on multiple levels while also feeling happy and excited. I’d still rather feel like this than the way I was feeling a couple of weeks ago.

 During my vacation I got to talk with a friend who my relationship with had been damaged and I feel like we really ironed out some things that we’d been dealing with with each other and that was really nice. I hope that we’re able to really move forward and put everything behind us and go back to being good friends. I’ve missed her so much!! I’m also a little sad because I kind of feel like I’ve lost a friend over the last couple of weeks. I know that she’s got a lot going on in her life and seems to be pushing everyone away at the moment, but I really miss her. I miss talking to her and I wish that there was some way that I could help her. I don’t want to force her to talk to me and be my friend but I want her to really know that she can always count on me if she needs me. It’s hard to balance giving someone space while also trying to let them know that you’re there for them.

What I did on my vacation!

This blog is all about my vacation and my next blog is going to be more about me and my life before and after it. 

 I got to Austin on Sunday morning and spent a good 4 hours that day finishing up on some work that needed to get done. Then Danny and Lisa came over with the boys and we all had dinner together. It was really nice getting to spend time with all of them!! Shortly after that Miss Hannah-pants got to town!! Yay!! She and I sat and chatted for a while then we got all dolled up and went down to 6^th street to a Sock Hop with Lynn. Can I tell you how freaking amazing/fun that was!! Hannah presented her ID to the guy at the door and he looked at it and marked her as over 21 when it clearly says her birthday wasn’t for another 8 days. We were stoked so we all got drinks!

 I was really excited about the night because Hannah and Lynn are two of my favorite people ever and I knew that we were going to have a great time! Plus the Sock Hop itself was incredible! I haven’t been to one since I was in like 6^th grade and it was fantastic. They played all the best music from the 50s and 60s and we danced for hours! We got there at 10 and stayed until 12:30 or so. We had a blast! There was also a deaf guy that was hitting on Hannah. At first we didn’t know that he was deaf and we just thought that he was kind of creepy, but once we figured it out Lynn stated talking to him with what little sign language she knew and we had a fun little convo with him. When we decided that we wanted to leave she tried to tell him that I was tired but she didn’t say it right and he thought she was saying that I was homeless. It was hilarious!

 Monday Hannah and I babysat my nephews all day and just kind of sat around enjoying being friends. We also went and got my car inspected, browsed Half Price Books (I love book stores!) and hit the mall for a while. We are definite dorks and bought matching shirts and definitely wore them on the same day while I was in Kerrville. Hannah left Monday evening. Mike and Sandy and I had sushi for dinner (yum!) and then we watched the Sex and the City movie (that makes the 4th time I’ve seen it. So good).

 Tuesday I had to babysit my nephews some more (not that I minded!) and also get some stuff taken care of with my student loans. Not so fun. That night Steven and I went out and got wings for dinner, hung out at his house with his mom for a while and then went and saw Quarantine. That was my second time seeing that movie and it was still just as scary the second time as it was the first time! I felt kind of bad because I wasn’t quite myself while we were hanging out. I was still transitioning from being on the road to being back in my element and was also still dealing with the things that had been bothering me the last couple of weeks.

 Wednesday I hung out with my nephews some more during the day and then left for Kerrville that afternoon. My original plan wasn’t to go to Kerrville until Thursday, but Hannah, Elaine and I decided that we wanted to have a secret wine and cheese night that night, so I left early. Before we had our wine and cheese night we all went to this Alcohol Awareness thing that was going on on-campus. No one but the two of them knew that I was coming into town that day so everyone else was shocked to see me. Shocked in a good way, like running up to me and practically tackling me with a giant hug. It was incredible! People that I didn’t think would care at all that I was back in town were screaming with joy (or at least what appeared to be joy). It was amazing and just the kind of welcome that I needed to help pull me out of my super-sad funk. 

 Later that night the three of us had a nice wine and cheese night and Allison and Cody even came a joined us. It was splendid! Thursday is when Hannah and I wore our matching shirts. It was fantastic. We just kind of hung out on campus all day and ate in the diner and stuff. It was really nice and felt good to be (temporarily) back. A lot has changed in the short time that I've been away. I was kind of shocked. That night Hannah, Ginny and I had dinner at Allison’s and then Hannah dropped me off at The Hole. Aaahhhhh, The Hole!! :) It was Elaine, Emily, Sarah, Becca, Crystal, Evan and Blake. We had a good time. 

There was this weird guy that was hitting on me so Blake and I were pretending that we were a couple to try and deter him. It didn't work so well. While Blake was in the bathroom Becca even pretended to be my girlfriend and that didn't seem to have an affect on him either! After a few hours we all decided that we were done at the bar so we went back to Sarah and Jessa’s place at Winwood to make some mac n cheese and get in the hot tub. Some more guys came over, one of whom was turning 21 that night. It was a lot of fun! 

 Friday Becca and I went to coffee and chatted about all kinds of things. It was nice and refreshing and I was really glad that she and I got to spend some time together just us! Then that afternoon I went to an all Greek lunch that was really just Blake and 5 Alpha Sigs and then to the soccer game for a while with Samantha and Katelyn (random, right?). Hannah stole me away from that and we went and shared milkshakes at Spirit Wind Java.

 Friday night for dinner we ordered some pizzas with Kathleen, Crystal and Emily. It was quite the random little group and rather enjoyable. Then Hannah and I watched Charlie Bartlett before we went over to Becca and Crystal’s to get ready for Jacqueline’s birthday party. This is a party that I was NOT invited to and Juan and Jac were NOT excited that I was going to be coming. Becca stuck up for me though and was like “She only in town this weekend and all her friends are invited. What do you expect her to do, just sit at home?” Evan also had my back. Jac asked Even way back when if they could have it at his house. When the issue of me coming arose he told her that he’s friends with me and he wanted me there and since the party was at his place that she would just have to deal with it. Sweet huh? I thought so. It was so awkward though!!! I loved it. Half of the people there blatantly ignored me and looking at pictures from the party on facebook, you wouldn’t even know I was there. Well, you can see half of me in one of them. It was nuts! Hannah, Ginny and I left early and went back to Winwood to hang out with Emily, Sarah, Jessa, Wes Creech and Blake. 

 Saturday my plan was to get up and leave around 12, but Hannah, Becca, Sarah, Emily, Allison and I went to Spirit Wind Java for lunch and I didn’t end up leaving town until like 1:30. It was so worth it getting to spend time with all of them though. It was fantastic! Once I got home I spent the rest of the night packing and chatting with Mike and Sandy. Tess came over for a while too and it was so good to see her!! 

Better late than never

Friday, October 03, 2008

I am so miserable right now. I’m sitting in the Atlanta airport and I feel like crap. I feel sick to my stomach and I’m in such a bad mood today. I woke up slightly grumpy and things just keep happening to make me feel worse. I almost missed my plane this afternoon. The girls asked me what time I thought we should leave for the airport and I said we should leave town around 12. They didn’t even get to my room to pick me up until 12:20 and then we stopped at BK to get food. My flight was scheduled to depart at 2:00 and we didn’t get to the airport until 1:30. I walked into the airport that luckily is tiny and only has one plane departing at a time. The guy at the check in desk told me to hurry because I only had 2 minutes left to check in. He asked me for my last name to check me in and then told me that I wasn’t in the system. Are you kidding me? He looked for several minutes and kept looking at me like I was an idiot and was probably at the wrong airport. There’s only one freaking airport in the area! I know I’m at the right one, on the right day! I had to pull out my flipping lap top to look up my itinerary to give him my confirmation number. Then he goes, “Oh, are you Christy?” Yes, I’m Christy. He get’s me all checked in and checks my bags (which he thankfully does not weigh). Then he tells me that my boarding passes won’t print. Well shit. I can’t board the plane without my boarding passes. It takes several minutes to get this all worked out, then it takes FOREVER to get through security. Really? This is a tiny effing airport. They only get two flights in and out all day; one at 2 and one at 8:30. At this point I’m starting to feel sick so not only am I irritated that I almost missed my flight but I also physically feel like shit now. Ugh. I just want a nap. In a bed. But that’s not going to happen. For me to go from Alabama to Arkansas I have to first fly from Mississippi to Atlanta and to Dallas then to Little Rock, so I’m going to be in airports all freaking day. I don’t land in Arkansas until 10:45 tonight. I hope these girls don’t want to talk in the car or hang out when we get there. I just want to go to bed. I’m really looking forward to tomorrow.

 I promise this blog isn’t going to be me bitching the whole time, but I do have one more negative point to make. I got assigned an LC buddy (not the one I wanted, of course) and she sent me a little care package this week. Totally sweet, except this girl (just like everyone else in the world) doesn’t know my effing name and everything is addressed to Chastity. I fucking hate that name. I would rather be called Christy, or Crystal, or Chelsea than Chastity. I also hate Charity. What I do like to be called is CHASITY. Go figure.

 I was talking to Hannah the other day and we were trying to figure out why I’m so down lately. It’s not all the time. Luckily I’m easily distracted so I’m usually ok during the day. It’s in the evenings when I’m all alone that I get sad. Really sad. And upset. It’s gross. I was thinking about it the other day and trying to figure out why I was SO happy during the summer and at the beginning of my travels and I think I got it figured out. I’m back to feeling the way that I did when I was in Kerrville. The reason I was feeling so happy the last few months is because I was on vacation then. It wasn’t a real vacation but a vacation in my mind. I was so excited to be starting something new and I kept talking about how I felt like I was taking a vacation from my real life, and I am. Along with this life-vacation came an emotional vacation. Unfortunately, vacations always come to an end. While I’m still able to keep hiding from the real world for a few more months, I’m no longer able to hide from myself. Damn.

 The honeymoon period of this job is over. I still love it and I enjoy what I do, but it’s really starting to take a toll on me. I am so happy that my vacation is coming up. I really need a break. I need to take a week off and just be and have nothing to think about. Except I know that’s not really going to happen. I know that when I get home Sandy is going to have things for me to think about and I just don’t want to. She’s also going to make me feel guilty for wanting to spend so much time with my friends. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with my family, because I definitely do!! I miss them a lot. But I wish she would realize how important my friends are to me too. These are the people that were constantly in my life for the last 4 years, day in and day out. And there are a lot of them, so it’s going to take some time to be able to see them all. I only have a week and that’s really not enough time to fit in everyone that I’ve been missing for the last 3 and a half months. I feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions and I just want to sit still.

 The chapter that I was at this past week (Zeta Rho at University of West Alabama) set me up to stay in a house while I was there. This is the house that important people who visit the university get to stay in, so it was really nice. I realized that even though I like getting to stay in houses and apartments by myself because it gives me more room to spread out, I would much rather be staying with the chapter. When I stay by myself I don’t get to really connect with the chapter and I don’t enjoy my stay as much. My favorite visits so far have been to Psi Psi and Beta Theta. I got to really spend time with these girls, make connections with them and feel like I was really helping the chapter and I had fun with them too. I’m really glad that I get to go back to both of these chapters again. I’m going to be back at Psi Psi in less than a week and I’m going back to Beta Theta next semester. I hope I get to go back to Psi Psi next semester too, but they’re really kicking ass at the moment, so it might not be needed. The next chapter I’m going to (Beta Mu at Henderson University in Arkadelphia, AR) has me set up to stay in a dorm, which would normally mean that I’m headed for another lonely week. However, Krystal is meeting me in Arkansas tomorrow and will be staying with me so I shall not be lonely at all.

 I have some pictures that I’m going to add soon. Some from pref night at Beta Theta and some from me with Zeta Rho. I got to go to their Mr. Fantasy Girl pageant last night, which is a beauty pageant for guys that raises money for the Special Olympics. It was a ton of fun and I got some good pictures out of it too. And the chapter raised $815 for the Special Olympics. Shit, I forgot to take pictures of the huge ass house that I was staying in this week. Oh well. Take my word for it. It was huge and really nice. The only thing that was not so nice is the fact that there is a little apartment in the basement of the house for the house manager and I definitely had to listen to him and his girlfriend having sex one night.

Though he's gone and you are wonderful, it's hard to move on

I am going to start writing this blog about what's going in my life and we'll see where it goes. I need to get some things out of my head too, but I don't know if I'll do it through here. I have a hard time sorting out what's going on in my head lately. It's influenced by so many people. I don't really like that. I'd rather be the only one in charge of it. Eh. 

Yesterday started out as such a shitty day for me but it ended up pretty good. As I mentioned in my last blog, I received a phone call with bad new at 4 am. I didn't fall asleep until three because I felt so sick that I couldn't sleep Then after I got off the phone, all I could think about was recruitment and what I did wrong, what I could have done better, what I need to do now, etc. so it was close to 6 before I fell asleep again. As soon as I got up I had to break the news to the president, then I had a phone call with HQ to try and figure out where to go from here, then I had a meeting with the campus Greek Advisor to try and figure out a plan with them as well. After all of that I met with Blair and Melissa (the president and VP of PR and Recruitment) and we had a good talk. They are trying to stay positive about this whole thing and are willing to do whatever it takes to make the chapter better. I went in to that meeting on the verge of tears and came out feeling a lot better. When we got back to the house to break the news to the rest of the chapter, Blair said that she had an announcement first. She said that since I was a founding member of my chapter and never had a big sis to spoil me, they all wanted to adopt me as their little. They had a paddle made for me that says "Fall 08, Best LC Ever, Love Beta Theta" and they wrote a note on the back and all signed it for me. They also gave me a bag of goodies. In it was another little tote bag, a t-shirt they had made for me that says love Beta Theta, another t-shirt from their chapter and a zip-up hoodie jacket that I LOVE. It was so sweet and exactly what I needed at the moment that I almost cried. These girls are so sweet and they all keep telling me how great I am and that they don't want me to leave. It's moments like that that remind me that this job is worth it, no matter what goes wrong. 

After that we all went to the JUMP. JUMP is their bid day activity that they do as a campus and it's really cool. They set up a stage on their quad and all 11 sororities fan out around it and all the PNMs get up on the stage, say their name and announce what sorority they're "jumping", jump off the stage and then run to their group. It's awesome! After we did that and welcomed our new girl, we went to eat and then had a movie night back at the house. It turned out to be a nice day. Today hasn't been too bad either. I got a lot of sleep last night, which was really nice. I fell right to sleep, which hasn't happened in a long time and slept through the whole night. Those are things that I used to take for granted but I'm so grateful when it happens now. I got a big of work done this morning and then went and volunteered at the alcohol free tailgate that was going on before the game. It wasn't very fun, but I did meet some rather cute boys from the Netherlands. They were beautiful. After we got back from the tailgate I found out that ADAM BRODY was at the real tailgate (not the lame-o alcohol free one that I was at) and I missed him! He was there to promote Barack Obama, who I also support. I was so upset when I found out he was there and I could have seen him if I'd been at the right tailgate. LAME. 

I'm really tired and I have a lot on my mind right now. I wish I didn't take on everyone else's burdens. 

What now?

I got a call at 4 o'clock this morning telling me that only one girl was matched with ASA during formal recruitment this week. One out of 364 that went through. I feel horrible. We could still get girls through snap bidding, but seriously? ONE? What am I supposed to do about that? What do I tell these ladies? I just want to curl up in a ball and die. 

It's a love story, baby just say yes

I feel like SHIT. I hate allergies. In my opinion allergies are worse than being sick because no one really feels bad for you when you have allergies and they don't understand. I feel just as bad as if I were sick and contagious. I slept 'til noon today and Amber even told me during our conference call that I sounded like crap. Thanks. I'm miserable. Ugh. 

Other than allergies I'm great though! I am having a lot of fun at this chapter and the girls keep telling me that they don't want me to leave. Last night I had a panty scrubbing party with Pam and Melissa (it's not nearly as awkward as it sounds). I did have an awkward moment today though, and I don't usually feel awkward. One of the ladies in the chapter approached me and informed me of a certain stench coming from one of the other women in the chapter and asked me if I could address the issue. Are you kidding me?? So today before our preference party I passed around some packets of vagisil wipes to the ladies and told them that rather than confronting anyone in particular, we were all going to make sure we didn't have stinky vaginas before recruitment started. They all laughed, thank goodness, but can I tell you how weird it is to be lined up in the bathroom with a bunch of your sisters, waiting for an empty stall knowing that the girl in there is cleansing her vagina? AWKWARD. 

Anyway, last night with Melissa and Pam was a lot of fun. The two of them and Andrea are my favorites here. And Blair too. Tonight after recruitment we all went out to eat in our pretty pref dresses. It was a lot of fun. I'm glad that I'm enjoying my visit here so much. I had fun at Delta Nu-A and Rogers State, but not like this. It might be because I've been here for 8 days and am still not leaving for another two. Maybe the length of the visit makes a difference. Well, I don't know. I think if I had been at Rogers State for 10 days then I would have been unhappy for 10 days. I like it here. Psi Psi is still my favorite though. I think they'll always be. Oh, I also made the ladies cry tonight. I gave a little ASA testimonial tonight and a few of the girls definitely cried the first time they heard it. It was cute. 

After this I'm going to Alabama. I know nothing about Alabama except that their president has quite the accent. I love it. A PNM at recruitment tonight did tell me that sororities are a really big deal there and that they have new member classes of like 100 girls. Hot damn. I don't think I'm going to be there for their recruitment though, thank goodness. This was overwhelming enough for me. After Alabama I'm going to Arkansas and I'm really excited about that. There's nothing great about Arkansas in particular but Krystal is driving up to stay with me while I'm visiting there! I'm so excited. I'm only there like 4 days then she and I are driving back down to Louisiana for my second visit to Psi Psi. I am so excited to go back there! I miss those ladies like crazy! And I can't wait to meet all the new ladies they have. Whitney (the president) texted me tonight and said that they extended another bid, so that'll make 10 new ladies!! How effing awesome is that? I'm so proud of them! Luckily Beta Theta hasn't gotten tired of me talking about them. They just kind of accept it and are really supportive of them. And when my phone rings Melissa is always like "Oh, is that Krystal?" It makes me laugh. 

I dyed my hair today and I love it. I really wish I could just get my hair to stay this color but it always effing fades back to that light brown color. Pain in my ass. Anyway, I've got some pictures of me and the ladies here that I want to put up but I imagine I'll have some more later this weekend because tomorrow is bid day!! I get my own bid day shirt and everything! And the ladies were all like "OH! You have to be in our bid day pictures with us. You're one of us now!" I'm so nervous for them though. If they don't do well in recruitment this semester then we're going to put them on revitalization (which I definitely think they need). I hope for their sake though that we don't have to do that. Plus they've worked really hard during recruitment and they're all excited. I really don't want to see them disappointed. Oh, and can I tell you how much drama comes with this job? Shit tons. Not only do I have the drama that comes with the chapter that I'm visiting at the moment, but I also have the drama that comes with the chapters I've already been too because they all call and tell me about it, and I have drama from my chapter as well! And it's not just the girls in the chapters either, but also their Greek advisors and chapter advisors causing drama. Ugh. It's just nuts. But I love it!! 

I'm trying not to think about you. Can't you just let me be?

I'm in a very thoughtful mood today. I'm not thinking a lot about my life in particular, but just life in general, which is good. Thinking about my life too much makes me a little crazy. 

I was walking to a meeting on campus today and it was gorgeous outside! This is my absolute favorite weather. It's about 80 degrees and sunny. I love it. On my stroll through campus I passed some people laying on a big blanket in the grass under a big tree and I got very jealous. I would love nothing more today than to be laying under a big tree on a blanket with a nice book and a chocolate milkshake. Mmmm, I just want to lay there, nice and relaxed and feel the breeze and not feel anything else. When I picture myself laying there, I do picture myself a little differently than I look in reality. In this day dream of mine I have long, slender, sexy legs. My hair is brown, long and shiny. My eyes are happy, my face relaxed. I'm not alone either, but I can't really tell who's laying there beside me.  

I'm in a good mood today. I'm grateful for that. I feel completely shitty because I'm sick or have allergies or something and I'm a bit stressed out, but I'm smiling. I feel good about my life at the moment. It's not perfect and there's a lot that I would fix if I could, but I guess it's not so bad. It could really be a lot worse, right? I've got some people that really know how to make me feel like crap, but then I've got some people who make me feel amazing. And that's what I should focus on. I need to worry less about the bad and remind myself more about the good. And I think I like who I am. I'm a good person. I'm not perfect, but who is? And who expects me to be? I know that I don't expect the people I care about to be perfect, so who is it that I'm trying to be perfect for? 

PIctures of my life

This is the swing I would sit on while talking to my dear friend Krystal at Delta Nu-A. She's the only one that called me while I was there or I would have talked to more people on it. 

Hannah, these are the effing swans that tried to kill me. 

They look innocent, but they're not. I promise. 

This is the chapter room at Delta Nu-A's house. 

This is Delta Nu-A's sorority house. The first one I've ever been in! Isn't it adorable? Their neighbors won't let them put letters on the house. 

This is the room I stayed in at Delta Nu-A. I was on the top bunk. I hate top bunks. Brittany would sit at the desk and talk to me while I was trying to sleep. Sweet girl. 

This is a picture of the front door and stairs at Delta Nu-A. That green chair at the top of the stairs is where I sat to do all of my work. 

This is the Beta Theta chapter house. 

That's what you get when you let your heart win

First let me say how effing tired I am of songs about sex. Who wants to listen to someone sing about blow jobs or wet/tight sex? Not me. It just makes me feel nasty and pisses me off. 

Second, let me say that I'm in a bad mood so this isn't going to be an upbeat blog. I really do love this job, but I'm really irritated with it at the moment. Do you know how much is sucks to not be around anyone that you care about? It fucking sucks. At first it wasn't so bad but now it's really starting to get to me. I have contact with my friends but that's only through email, talking on the phone and texting. So I'm finding myself holed up in my room more and more talking to people and spending less and less time with the girls that I'm visit. How horribly snobby of me. Ugh. I miss spending time with friends. I miss having the opportunity to be social. It's great that I have my phone and am able to talk to my friends, but sometimes talking to people just makes me feel even more lonely. More and more when I get off the phone with someone I'm just bummed that they get off the phone with me and can go interact with more people and got about their lives and have fun. I still get to have fun, but it's not the same. I don't regret taking this job at all, but right now I'm just really ready for my vacation. That's still 3 feel weeks away. That doesn't sound like that long, but it is. There is a ray of sunshine poking through this horribly effing cloudy sky though. My last visit before my vacation is to Psi Psi and I'm really looking forward to that! I miss those girls. And my visit before that one is in Arkansas and Krystal is going to drive up and stay with me there and then we're going to drive back to LA together. That should be a lot of fun. So I really just have 2 more weeks of loneliness and then it's going to get better and better as it goes. Then there's only a month between my vacation and when I come home for Thanksgiving. Thank God for that. I really want to take a trip to just get away. I know that doesn't make sense since I have been talking about how I just want to get back to my friends and family. But I still feel like I really need to get away and escape. Krystal and I talked about getting away in December. I wonder if we'll really do it though. 

Ya know what else doesn't help this loneliness? The girls at this chapter. I am so tired of being referred to as "the LC" and I'm tired of being forgotten about. Yesterday we had an hour break in the middle of recruitment (and recruitment is a whole nother story in itself) and we planned on going to eat. I mentioned pizza and everyone agreed that was a great idea. I was in a dress though and wanted to change. So once the last recruitment party was over I said "let me run up and change." I was up there maybe 3 minutes. I came back down and they we all gone. Every last one of them. They fucking forgot about me and left me home. I felt like such a loser. Then they did the same thing today! I was upstairs putting in info about the potential new members in the computer for them and they brought me up the voting cards and went back down stairs. I went down a couple of minutes later and they were all gone. None of them bothered to ask me if I wanted to go eat with them, they just left me there. What the fuck?!?! How can you just leave me upstairs working on this shit when really what I was doing isn't even part of my job. I was doing it at a favor to them! Ugh. Whatever. They did come up to help later on and that was nice. We had a good time and a couple of the girls told me how great they thought I was, that they wanted to keep me all year and that they were glad I was so fun. That's nice, but I wish they'd fucking feed me too. I've lost 5 pounds since I left Psi Psi. I guess that's a good thing though. 

So recruitment at a big school like this is effing stressful. There are 11 sororities and 364 women that went through recruitment. Anyone who has helped with a formal recruitment (especially membership selection) should understand what a BITCH that is and how much is sucks. It's stressing me out like you would not believe. I wouldn't mind if I was an active in the chapter and having to meet these women. What sucks is having to sort through all the scored for them and put together some kind of system for eliminating them. It effing sucks.  A lot. But! I'm hoping that it'll be worth it in the end and these women will get some great new members and be on their way to becoming a great chapter again. Speaking of great chapters, Psi Psi picked up 9 lovely new ladies this past week and I am so proud of them!! 

I'm listening to Paramore right now and it's fucking pissing me off. I love this band but every time I listen to it it reminds me of Reid. How shitty is that? This is one of my favorite bands and every time I listen I think of him. I don't want to think about him. I just want to fucking forget about him. I don't understand why I can't. When I listen to Paramore it reminds me of driving to his house (or home from it). It reminds me of the butterflies I would get walking up to the door, of the smile that was plastered to my face when I would leave his house, of all the good that there was between us. All the good that my friends never saw or understood. He made me feel so amazing about myself. He made me feel unique, and special. I'm not fucking unique or special. I'm just someone to fill space. Fuck that. I hate people like him. I hate that I liked him. I hate that he made me happy. I hate that he was hurt me. I hate that I LET him hurt me. I should have figured he'd hurt me. Why did I think that he was going to be any different? I just wish someone could have seen all of the good that there was so I didn't feel like I was imagining it. I know I wasn't. Ugh. If I could just tell you some of the things that were so amazing. But why the hell do I care? Why do I feel the need to prove that it was real? Why the hell do I still think about him. I hate that when I think of him I still wish things had ended differently with us, even though I know he's horrible for me and not the kind of person I need in my life. I still wish... Damn it. I don't understand why I liked him so much. I still like that I kicked him out of my apartment when he was naked. That makes me smile when I think about it. 

Paramore also reminds me of Hannah. That's a good thing though. It reminds me of her because she's the one who introduced me to them. It makes me sad that it reminds me of her though because I miss her so effing much. I just need a good uninterrupted week of Hannah time. Seriously. 

I guess I might be done with this blog for now. I've calmed down some, which is good. I was pretty upset when I started writing it. I still have a lot on my mind though. That kind of pisses me off too. I took this job thinking that I was leaving my life behind and getting away from the stresses of my personal life for a while. I should not be stressing about things outside of my job at the moment. But alas, I am Chasity, so I am. I don't understand it. It boggles me little mind. 

Pictures from my wreck

This is the car after I rolled it twice. Really, it doesn't look as bad as it could. The back windshield completely fell out, both side mirrors went missing and I found glass in my bra. But Nicole and I survived (as did my iPhone, her laptop and my camera) so we're really lucky.

All you wanted was somebody who cares

So I'm feeling all sad and down and really missing my friends so I want to write them all a little note in this blog telling them why I'm glad they're my friend. I'm not feeling super sad and depressed or anything, I just miss them and it's always nice to be reminded of why you're important to someone, right? 

Hannah Joy Clark. I miss you more than elephants and bears and trucks and penguins. I miss Red Lexia and walks and working out together and talking about working out and not doing it. I miss Gilmore Girls and concrete mixers and Gossip Girl and pass the pint. I love you because I feel like we think and feel a lot of the same things about life even when we're apart and haven't seen each other in months. I love you because we can spend 10 minutes talking about mean swans and it's no big deal, because we can lie in bed all day long doing nothing and have more fun then if we'd gone out. I love that we make these grand plans for our life together and even if they fall through I know it's not because we're not as good of friends anymore, but because we've just changed our plan. I feel like you are completely supportive of me and my life and I know that I can always count on you to be my best friend. You’re the best daughter I could ever ask for!

Krystal Diane Smith. (I believe you told me once that that was your middle name) I am so thankful that I met you this year and am happy that we've become such good friends so quickly. You have been my savior and my escape for these past couple weeks and sometimes I don't know what I would have done without you. You've been there to listen to me bitch for 13 minutes straight, made me laugh about ridiculous things like an AC unit and showed me that you value my friendship by opening up your can of crazy on me. I’m completely comfortable with you and I really feel like I could talk to you about almost anything. I can't wait to come back and start all of our adventures (the zoo, ducks, the park, nick and nora and quarantine, sleeping with the ladybug) and have more pillow talk! I’ll continue to help you with your self project if you help me remember why I’m doing mine! You’re fantastic and my favorite best best friend/unhealthy obsession. :)

John Russell Stanger. Oh dear, I would be so lost without you! You and I have been through so much shit together and I’m so happy that we’ve managed to stay friends through all of these ups and downs. For a while I wasn’t sure if we were going to make it and I couldn’t be happier that we did. And I’m really glad that we had a rocky/interesting start because I think it just gives character to our friendship. I miss you so much. You and miss Hannah pants. I miss driving down the hunt road listening to Rilo Kiley, our one last all nighter that wasn’t as exciting as we had planned, the craziness from freshman year with Cova, the freeness and fun that came with my birthday, cooking with evoo, pretending to be your girlfriend so you didn’t feel stupid at the Kelly Clarkson concert, making out with you at parties and shocking the shit out of people… You are my absolute best friend and I really hope you know how much your friendship means to me. I think you’re the one person who knows everything about me. You’re the one person that I don’t hesitate to tell things to. Well, sometimes I hesitate, but you’re still the person I tell it all to because I know that you love me no matter what and I have never felt judged by you in the least.

Rebecca Ellen Bell. Oh dear, have we been through a lot together. Our friendship has been a quite a ride and I know that we haven’t always enjoyed it, but I glad we seem to have survived and I hope you are too. I’m really sad that I’m not going to be there to celebrate your birthday with you but know that I’m definitely thinking of you. And the shit ton of fun that we’ve had together. Those crazy camping trips, skipping class and going to the river, making special mac n cheese, hiding in showers together, me calling your nurse a bitch, playing Balderdash, watching you run into glass phone booths in France, stealing silverware from the air plane! When I think of you and our friendship I often think back to when I called you crying from Kerrville last summer and you were ready to jump in the car and drive two hours just to hug me and let me know that it was going to be ok. That’s the most amazing thing anyone’s offered to do for me, and I know you would have followed through with it if I’d let you. I miss you a hell of a lot more than I think you realize and I love you more than pie!

Elaine Francis Murray. I effing miss you! I am so glad that you and I got over the issues that we had with each other and are such good friends now. I was a bit worried when I first left this summer because I didn’t really know if you and I would keep in touch and stay friends and I’m very happy to discover that we have! You are wonderful and I cannot wait to come back and see you in October. We definitely need to go to IHOP and have some Chasi-Elaine time! I appreciate that I can call you up and bitch anytime I want and I know you’ll agree with me, even if both clearly know that I’m wrong! And I love that I can tell you when you’re being a bitch and be mad at you for being late to your own birthday and you know that you could always do the same to me, and it would be ok. Because we’re both just like that.

Alexandrea Marie Gantt. I saved the voicemail that you left me the other day so I could listen to it again because it was so good to hear your voice. Kinda creepy, right? It was also so I could remember that girls name and look her up. I miss you so damn much. I hate that I haven’t seen you since January and I hate that we never really get to talk. I love that our friendship always picks up right where it left off and I love that there’s never a dull moment with us! Cancun, “shebelike”, “he was like this, and I was like this!”, swimming with Jonny and Steven and me not knowing which one was which, all of the crazy boys that we’ve gone through over the years, Bowie and ACC, playing board games and going bowling, watching the Exorcist at Tess’, making t-shirts for English class with Hoss. You have no idea how much you coming to my graduation meant to me even if we didn’t get to spend any time together. I don’t ever want to not be friends with you. I love my Bozo and I must get to see you when I’m home!

Therese Marie Welch. Where do I begin with you, Tess? Even though we don’t talk often I take comfort in knowing that you’re there for me. You’ll probably never read this or even know that I wrote it, but you were my best friend for so long that it would just be wrong for me not to acknowledge you here. We have so many silly memories together (pan head, freezer freezer, bus or card, etc) and I always liked that you and I could sit and do nothing and just enjoy each others company. One of my favorite memories is when your dad went out of town and I came and stayed with you for a few days and we just lounged around the house watching movie and reading. When I think of our friendship, I thin of the word calm. I can’t remember us ever being mad at each other or ever fighting. I do remember getting a phone call from you and knowing exactly what was wrong even though I couldn’t understand a word you said because you were so hysterical. I also remember calling you when things were going down hill with Steven and I and you just let me sit and cry on the phone to you. You are like the sister I never had and I love you.