Though he's gone and you are wonderful, it's hard to move on

I am going to start writing this blog about what's going in my life and we'll see where it goes. I need to get some things out of my head too, but I don't know if I'll do it through here. I have a hard time sorting out what's going on in my head lately. It's influenced by so many people. I don't really like that. I'd rather be the only one in charge of it. Eh. 

Yesterday started out as such a shitty day for me but it ended up pretty good. As I mentioned in my last blog, I received a phone call with bad new at 4 am. I didn't fall asleep until three because I felt so sick that I couldn't sleep Then after I got off the phone, all I could think about was recruitment and what I did wrong, what I could have done better, what I need to do now, etc. so it was close to 6 before I fell asleep again. As soon as I got up I had to break the news to the president, then I had a phone call with HQ to try and figure out where to go from here, then I had a meeting with the campus Greek Advisor to try and figure out a plan with them as well. After all of that I met with Blair and Melissa (the president and VP of PR and Recruitment) and we had a good talk. They are trying to stay positive about this whole thing and are willing to do whatever it takes to make the chapter better. I went in to that meeting on the verge of tears and came out feeling a lot better. When we got back to the house to break the news to the rest of the chapter, Blair said that she had an announcement first. She said that since I was a founding member of my chapter and never had a big sis to spoil me, they all wanted to adopt me as their little. They had a paddle made for me that says "Fall 08, Best LC Ever, Love Beta Theta" and they wrote a note on the back and all signed it for me. They also gave me a bag of goodies. In it was another little tote bag, a t-shirt they had made for me that says love Beta Theta, another t-shirt from their chapter and a zip-up hoodie jacket that I LOVE. It was so sweet and exactly what I needed at the moment that I almost cried. These girls are so sweet and they all keep telling me how great I am and that they don't want me to leave. It's moments like that that remind me that this job is worth it, no matter what goes wrong. 

After that we all went to the JUMP. JUMP is their bid day activity that they do as a campus and it's really cool. They set up a stage on their quad and all 11 sororities fan out around it and all the PNMs get up on the stage, say their name and announce what sorority they're "jumping", jump off the stage and then run to their group. It's awesome! After we did that and welcomed our new girl, we went to eat and then had a movie night back at the house. It turned out to be a nice day. Today hasn't been too bad either. I got a lot of sleep last night, which was really nice. I fell right to sleep, which hasn't happened in a long time and slept through the whole night. Those are things that I used to take for granted but I'm so grateful when it happens now. I got a big of work done this morning and then went and volunteered at the alcohol free tailgate that was going on before the game. It wasn't very fun, but I did meet some rather cute boys from the Netherlands. They were beautiful. After we got back from the tailgate I found out that ADAM BRODY was at the real tailgate (not the lame-o alcohol free one that I was at) and I missed him! He was there to promote Barack Obama, who I also support. I was so upset when I found out he was there and I could have seen him if I'd been at the right tailgate. LAME. 

I'm really tired and I have a lot on my mind right now. I wish I didn't take on everyone else's burdens.