Better late than never

Friday, October 03, 2008

I am so miserable right now. I’m sitting in the Atlanta airport and I feel like crap. I feel sick to my stomach and I’m in such a bad mood today. I woke up slightly grumpy and things just keep happening to make me feel worse. I almost missed my plane this afternoon. The girls asked me what time I thought we should leave for the airport and I said we should leave town around 12. They didn’t even get to my room to pick me up until 12:20 and then we stopped at BK to get food. My flight was scheduled to depart at 2:00 and we didn’t get to the airport until 1:30. I walked into the airport that luckily is tiny and only has one plane departing at a time. The guy at the check in desk told me to hurry because I only had 2 minutes left to check in. He asked me for my last name to check me in and then told me that I wasn’t in the system. Are you kidding me? He looked for several minutes and kept looking at me like I was an idiot and was probably at the wrong airport. There’s only one freaking airport in the area! I know I’m at the right one, on the right day! I had to pull out my flipping lap top to look up my itinerary to give him my confirmation number. Then he goes, “Oh, are you Christy?” Yes, I’m Christy. He get’s me all checked in and checks my bags (which he thankfully does not weigh). Then he tells me that my boarding passes won’t print. Well shit. I can’t board the plane without my boarding passes. It takes several minutes to get this all worked out, then it takes FOREVER to get through security. Really? This is a tiny effing airport. They only get two flights in and out all day; one at 2 and one at 8:30. At this point I’m starting to feel sick so not only am I irritated that I almost missed my flight but I also physically feel like shit now. Ugh. I just want a nap. In a bed. But that’s not going to happen. For me to go from Alabama to Arkansas I have to first fly from Mississippi to Atlanta and to Dallas then to Little Rock, so I’m going to be in airports all freaking day. I don’t land in Arkansas until 10:45 tonight. I hope these girls don’t want to talk in the car or hang out when we get there. I just want to go to bed. I’m really looking forward to tomorrow.

 I promise this blog isn’t going to be me bitching the whole time, but I do have one more negative point to make. I got assigned an LC buddy (not the one I wanted, of course) and she sent me a little care package this week. Totally sweet, except this girl (just like everyone else in the world) doesn’t know my effing name and everything is addressed to Chastity. I fucking hate that name. I would rather be called Christy, or Crystal, or Chelsea than Chastity. I also hate Charity. What I do like to be called is CHASITY. Go figure.

 I was talking to Hannah the other day and we were trying to figure out why I’m so down lately. It’s not all the time. Luckily I’m easily distracted so I’m usually ok during the day. It’s in the evenings when I’m all alone that I get sad. Really sad. And upset. It’s gross. I was thinking about it the other day and trying to figure out why I was SO happy during the summer and at the beginning of my travels and I think I got it figured out. I’m back to feeling the way that I did when I was in Kerrville. The reason I was feeling so happy the last few months is because I was on vacation then. It wasn’t a real vacation but a vacation in my mind. I was so excited to be starting something new and I kept talking about how I felt like I was taking a vacation from my real life, and I am. Along with this life-vacation came an emotional vacation. Unfortunately, vacations always come to an end. While I’m still able to keep hiding from the real world for a few more months, I’m no longer able to hide from myself. Damn.

 The honeymoon period of this job is over. I still love it and I enjoy what I do, but it’s really starting to take a toll on me. I am so happy that my vacation is coming up. I really need a break. I need to take a week off and just be and have nothing to think about. Except I know that’s not really going to happen. I know that when I get home Sandy is going to have things for me to think about and I just don’t want to. She’s also going to make me feel guilty for wanting to spend so much time with my friends. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with my family, because I definitely do!! I miss them a lot. But I wish she would realize how important my friends are to me too. These are the people that were constantly in my life for the last 4 years, day in and day out. And there are a lot of them, so it’s going to take some time to be able to see them all. I only have a week and that’s really not enough time to fit in everyone that I’ve been missing for the last 3 and a half months. I feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions and I just want to sit still.

 The chapter that I was at this past week (Zeta Rho at University of West Alabama) set me up to stay in a house while I was there. This is the house that important people who visit the university get to stay in, so it was really nice. I realized that even though I like getting to stay in houses and apartments by myself because it gives me more room to spread out, I would much rather be staying with the chapter. When I stay by myself I don’t get to really connect with the chapter and I don’t enjoy my stay as much. My favorite visits so far have been to Psi Psi and Beta Theta. I got to really spend time with these girls, make connections with them and feel like I was really helping the chapter and I had fun with them too. I’m really glad that I get to go back to both of these chapters again. I’m going to be back at Psi Psi in less than a week and I’m going back to Beta Theta next semester. I hope I get to go back to Psi Psi next semester too, but they’re really kicking ass at the moment, so it might not be needed. The next chapter I’m going to (Beta Mu at Henderson University in Arkadelphia, AR) has me set up to stay in a dorm, which would normally mean that I’m headed for another lonely week. However, Krystal is meeting me in Arkansas tomorrow and will be staying with me so I shall not be lonely at all.

 I have some pictures that I’m going to add soon. Some from pref night at Beta Theta and some from me with Zeta Rho. I got to go to their Mr. Fantasy Girl pageant last night, which is a beauty pageant for guys that raises money for the Special Olympics. It was a ton of fun and I got some good pictures out of it too. And the chapter raised $815 for the Special Olympics. Shit, I forgot to take pictures of the huge ass house that I was staying in this week. Oh well. Take my word for it. It was huge and really nice. The only thing that was not so nice is the fact that there is a little apartment in the basement of the house for the house manager and I definitely had to listen to him and his girlfriend having sex one night.