Almost done

I am visiting my very last chapter right now and it's great! It's great for several reasons. First off, I really like these girls a lot. This is the most comfortable I've been with a chapter this soon in the visit and I'm having a lot of fun with them. We went roller skating last night! Secondly, it's great because it's my last visit!! I'm almost done! Yay!! While I was in their chapter meeting tonight it really hit me that I'm almost done with this job and it made me quite sad. This is the first time that the thought of being done has made me sad. Up until today whenever I think of being done with this job I get a feeling of relief. Tonight I realized that this is the last chapter that I'm going to get to help. I almost cried right there in the middle of their meeting. This once in a lifetime experience is almost over. It's really hard for me to believe that. It's also hard for me to believe that I graduated from college almost a year ago. It just doesn't feel like it.

I mentioned in my last blog that I've been keeping up with my list of all the books that I've read this semester and my good friend Alex read that and recommended a website to me www.goodreads.com. That's where I'm going to be updating my list of books read from now on. It lets me rate the books I've read and keep a list of books that I want to read. I can also see what books my friends have read and plan on reading. It's pretty nifty. You should all check it out and join so I can see what books you've read and use it to add to my list of books! I'm not adding all the books I've ever read, just the books I've read in 2009 plus a few others. 

The book that I'm reading right now is really interesting. It's called Smashed by Koren Zailckas and it's about her struggles with alcohol and binge drinking. She went to Syracuse University and it's weird reading about it because she'll mention a park where she used to walk her dog and I realize that's the park I used to go sledding at in the winter, or she'll mention a street she went to a house party on and I realize that's a street that I used to live on. It's really weird for me. I can also relate to some of her stories and feelings (not all of them, but some) and that part makes me kinda sad, and not in a nostalgic kind of way. She was also in a sorority when she was in college and I'm happy to report we did not really have the same sorority experience while we were in college -- I like mine a lot better. 

I wrote a blog titled "Aspire, seek, attain" a little while back and for those of you who read this who are members of Alpha Sigma Alpha, I'm sure you saw it and didn't think much of it besides "Oh yeah, that's our open motto". For those of you who are not in Alpha Sigma Alpha, I'm curious to know what you thought about it and it's significance, or if you even thought anything of it at all. I used that as the title of my blog because I think my sororities open motto is really a great motto for life and I don't think that I think about the meaning of it often enough nor apply it to my life as I should. I was in a meeting with a collegian a couple of weeks ago and I made reference to it and all of a sudden it just hit me: Aspire. Seek. Attain. I stopped for a minute and thought about those words and the meaning behind them, individually and together. I also used our creed as the title of several blogs last semester because I love it. I don't often think about each sentence on it's own but have gotten in the habit of just reciting it without much thought at all. 

To fill my days with satisfying activity

To find dominant beauty in art, literature, nature and friendships

To know the peace and serenity of a divine faith

To love life and joyously live each day to it's ultimate good

When I really stop and think about all of the things that Alpha Sigma Alpha stands for, the things we promote and the standards which we ask our members to try and live up to, it really makes me proud to be a member of this sorority and to be working for it now. It's a really nice feeling to have. 

Living in the moment

So this blog is not about my plans for my future but about my life right now. 

I'm still sicking with this vegetarian thing and it's going really well for me. It will be a month on Sunday. I decided that I am definitely going to stick with it the rest of the time that I'm on the road and while I'm in Chicago and then I'm going to reevaluate it when I'm in Austin. I think I might start eating meat again and just make a conscious effort to eat it less. Really, I think I'll probably just eat meat at home when Mike and Sandy cook it (they do so often and very well) but I like the challenge of finding other things to eat when I'm out and like the idea of having to find new things to cook too. It's really forcing me to be healthier too. Being a vegetarian paired with the fact that I gave up pizza for lent is doing wonders for my figure. The ladies here took me to their student union for lunch today and the options were Subway, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell or Burger King. I love that I don't have the option of ordering a double stacker from BK. This is forcing me to have the will power that I don't have on my own. So while Katie had a junior bacon cheese burger I had a salad with fat free ranch, fat free yogurt and a V8. And I thought every bite of it was delicious! 

I will be back in Indy and off the road one week from tomorrow!!! I am so excited! I am excited to be back in Indy because I love being at Headquarters and because I love living out of a hotel with Nicole. I'm also excited about going back home. The worst part of this job is just the repetitiveness. I am going to miss traveling and spending time with chapters but I think I'm still ready to be done. I'm going to look back on the experience fondly and always be glad that I did it, but I'm ready for this experience to be over and for the next one to start. I do love the feeling I get when I'm at a chapter and I can tell that I'm really helping them. I really want to go back to Kerrville and share the things I've learned with my chapter and help them to become even more amazing than they are. I'd love for Theta Epsilon to win Crown of Excellence next year (the highest national award that a collegiate chapter can win and it's only awarded to one chapter each year). They're already a good chapter and I feel like I could help give them that edge that they need. I feel like they would be hesitant to listen to the things I'd have to say though. That makes me sad.

What else is going on in my life? Oh, a whole lot of nothing. I have still been reading a lot lately. Every time I finish a book I go back and edit the blog I wrote a couple months ago so the list of books I've read stays updated. I think there's 20 books on there now with my little reviews of them. It makes me quite happy to look at the list and see them all. That reminds me of all the things I'm looking forward to this summer. 

1. Getting a library card and going to the library

2. Getting a bike and riding it to the library

3. Cooking my own meals (and sharing them with Mike and Sandy)

4. Not living out of a suitcase

5. Seeing Jake and Ryan

6. Consistent warm weather (not looking forward to the super hot weather though)

7. Outdoor activities (tubing, walking, kayaking, swimming, etc)

8. Getting a tan (from the sun, not a tanning bed)

9. Not having reports I have to write every week

10. Having friends I get to spend time with again

11. Seeing John!!!! (at the end of the summer when he comes back)

12. Being stationary for a while 

13. Hopefully making new friends

Aspire, seek, attain

I have 16 more days until I am officially done being a Leadership Consultant and 19 more days until I'm back in Austin. Nicole, Jeff, Eric and I are going to take a weekend trip to Chicago before Nicole and I go back home for the summer and I'm pretty excited about it. I've never been to Chicago (the airport doesn't really count, right?) so I'm excited to see the city and hang out with my friends that I don't know if I'll ever see again. I arrive back to Austin on April 20 and I don't really know what's going to happen from there. 

My plan was to come back to Austin, work full time at Cafe Monet all summer and then move to Kerrville in the fall to get a job and be doing grad school to get my teaching certificate, even though I don't know if I want to teach. While doing all of this I planned on applying for programs like the Peace Corps, AmeriCorps, YAV, etc. so I could be embarking on a new journey in the fall of 2010. I want to be in the central Texas area for the next year to be close to my friends and family for a while and get my teaching certificate so that I have some sort of edge/training that could be useful in whatever program I get accepted in to. 

That was my plan and for the most part still is my plan. Right now I don't know how many hours I'm going to be able to get at Cafe Monet this summer. In April I'm only scheduled 7 hours for a two week pay period and while I know that April is the slowest month for Cafe Monet, I am still worried about what my hours will look like for the rest of the summer. So I've started looking in to other options for the summer. I applied for a few jobs I found on Craig's List (summer day camps, preschool teacher, etc.) and applied for some jobs that are open with CPS in Austin, San Antonio and Round Rock. I also applied for some jobs with Kerrville Independent School district for the fall and contacted some families from Nannies4hire about being a nanny (either full time or just for the summer). 

There is one family that I am really interested in. The mom is in rehab right now so it's the Dad and Grandma taking care of the little girl (she's like 2). The Dad lives in Austin and the Grandma is back and forth between Austin, Houston, and Connecticut. The Grandfather is a professor in Switzerland (yes, that country over in Europe) and the family is looking for a nanny that would be able to accompany them back and forth to all of these places (including Europe). How awesome would that be?? I have already heard back from a couple of other families wanting to talk to me more which is encouraging but I'm hesitant to talk to them much when this is the one I really want. I'm afraid that I'll talk to a family I like and commit and then get offered something better. But I also don't want to hold out waiting for something better and nothing come along. 

As far as line of work, I am pretty much open to anything right now. The grad program at Schreiner is online with one Saturday class a month so if I got accepted in to this program I would not necessarily be forced to live in Kerrville. I am most likely going to live where ever I get the best paying job with the most usable/interesting experience. 

I am really excited about what is going to come next for me after this year. I am really excited about leaving the country and doing something to be helping others in some way. That's really the most generic way that I could have said that but I can't think of the right words to express it. There's so much that I want to do with my life and I really feel like this would be the first step towards that. I want to be giving. I want to be helping. I want to be making a difference. I want to be forced out of my comfort zone. I want to be experiencing something different. I don't want to just live a normal old life. I want to make an impact on the lives of others, make them better in some way. I haven't figured out exactly how yet so I think this is a good starting point for me. I don't want to come back from this experience (what ever it may be) and just slip into the working world and blend in with everyone else. Blah. I want my life to mean something. 

Dreamworld

Well, it seems it's been a while again since I've posted anything here. I am happy to report that I am taking definite steps towards making a decision about my future. I know that's still kind of vague but it's still progress. By taking steps I mean that I think I've figured out that I'm going to be moving back to Kerrville in August. I've applied for a few jobs there and am also pretty sure I'm going to apply to get my teaching certificate from Schreiner in the fall. My plan is to work with youth in some capacity while getting my teaching certificate then the following fall to leave on some exciting expedition for a year or two. I want the work that I'm doing in the mean time coupled with me taking classes to get my teaching certificate to give me needed experience to work with children/youth/families in some way on my expedition. The things I'm looking at for this expedition are the Peace Corps, AmeriCorps, YAV (I'm thinking Ireland), or some program similar to one of those (I'm still looking). Jobs that I'm looking in to in Kerrville are at the Hill Country Youth Ranch, Tally elementary school as a behavioral unit aid, child protective services, etc. 

If I decided after getting my teaching certificate that teaching is something that I really am interested in doing then Texas Tech has a masters program that is partnered with the Peace Corps. I would take classes at Tech for a year and then do my time in the Peace Corps and come out with my masters in education and international teaching experience. This would allow me to get a job in the United States or give me the edge I'd need to work in another country if I wanted to. If I don't think that teaching is really the route that I want to take then I will still be able to use my experience with kids and my teaching certificate to explore other avenues through a volunteer program and hopefully that will help me to make a decision about what I want to do with the rest of my life, what kind of masters degree I want, etc. I still don't have my life all figured out but I am feeling better about it. 

I've also recently made the decision to be a vegetarian for a while. This is something that I'm doing just for fun -- a personal challenge. It's not permanent and I really have no reasons for doing it other than just to see if I can. I still love the taste of meat and don't mind eating cute, furry creatures. It's going well so far. I started last Sunday so today makes day 6. I do still eat fish so I guess I'm not a full vegetarian but it's not something that I'm willing to give up -- there are just too many health benefits that come from eating fish. I'm also back to eating healthy again; I kind of took a break from it the first part of the semester. Eating healthy and being a vegetarian while not really being in control of where I eat can be a bit difficult. If the women I'm staying with take to me to a restaurant sometimes my options are bean and cheese nachos (vegetarian but not really healthy) or a grilled chicken sandwich (healthier, but not vegetarian) or unhealthy, meaty things. I also gave up pizza for lent which is really helping with the healthy thing as well. Three of my favorite foods are pizza, chicken wings and burgers, none of which I can eat now! It's a lot easier to avoid these foods when I feel like I can't or am not allowed to eat them rather than I just shouldn't eat them. I love french fries too and I can still eat those, but eating french fries with out a burger or chicken sandwich just feels wrong. 

When I first started writing this blog several months ago it was with the purpose of chronicling my experiences as a leadership consultant so I could look back on it later in life and also to help others understand what my life is like while I'm on the road. However, I talk about my job all the time with people I encounter so it makes me not want to talk about it in my personal life (with friends or in my blog). This poses quite the dilemma. I kind of want to talk about the chapter full of Barbie dolls that I'm visiting this week and what it's like, but then I don't. I think it does speak volumes about my job to know that what I do makes me not want to talk about what I do, if that makes sense. I love this job but it wears me out a bit sometimes I just don't want to think about it or talk about it at all. I do want to say that here in Pennsylvania they take St. Patrick's Day very seriously. It's still a few days away but there was a parade complete with bagpipes and baton twirlers serving as my alarm clock this morning and well after the parade was over there are people walking down the street in head to toe green. It's fantastic. 

Just now I went back and reread the first blog that I posted on here to see what I had to say and how my perspective has changed. I started out with in introduction to the blog to let people know what my intentions were. I said that this was going to be a blog not just about my life as a leadership consultant but that it would also address issues like my ongoing battle with my weight and also my plans for the future. I forgot that I said that but I definitely hit the nail on the head predicting the things that I would end up writing the most about. I guess I know myself pretty well. 

Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.

Robert Hastings wrote….

Tucked away in our subconscious minds is an idyllic vision in which we see ourselves on a long journey that spans an entire continent. We're traveling by train and, from the windows, we watch the passing scenes of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at crossings, of cattle grazing in distant pastures, of smoke pouring from power plants, of row upon row upon row of cotton and corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of city skylines and village halls.

But uppermost in our conscious minds is our final destination--for at a certain hour and on a given day, our train will finally pull into the Station with bells ringing, flags waving, and bands playing. And once that day comes, so many wonderful dreams will come true. So restlessly, we pace the aisles and count the miles, peering ahead, waiting, waiting, waiting to get to the Station.

"Yes, when we reach the Station, that will be it!" we promise ourselves. When we're eighteen. . . twenty-one…get that fabulous job…meet Mr. Right…start our family. . . put the last kid through college. . . buy that 450SL Mercedes-Benz.  That day, that moment, will mark the beginning of our own personal “happily ever after.”

Sooner or later, however, we must realize there is no destination, no Station in this life, no one earthly place to arrive at once and for all. The journey is the joy. The Station is an illusion--it constantly outdistances us. Yesterday's a memory, tomorrow's a dream. Yesterday belongs to history, tomorrow belongs to God.  Yesterday's a fading sunset,  tomorrow is a dawn we may never see.  “Now” – this moment – is when we live.